Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Project Yancey:Episode 6: Doug Takes a Hike

The Bluff Scouts are initiating a new member, and this new member is none other than our good friend Doug Funnie, the tendertoe.  While he enjoys being a tendertoe, he is also eager to start filling his new uniform with tons of merit badges.  Perfectly on cue, Scout Master Mr. Dink announces that on the hike for that day, the nature merit badge will go to the group of two scouts who finds something that tells them the most about the forest.  Before Doug is able to finish asking Skeeter to be his partner for the challenge, the Senior Scout steps up to proclaim that he is going to take Doug under his wing for the hike and help him get used to the forest, the problem is the Senior Scout is Roger.  Almost instantly Doug goes from being fellow scout, to Roger's bitch, even to the extent that while Doug is carrying Roger's stuff for him, Roger steals Doug's underwear from his bag and raises them as the flag for the nation of tighty whities.  The abuse was not nearly over, Doug was tasked with clearing out space for the tent he was also going to have to pitch, and then he had to go fetch firewood.  As he was leaving for his firewood fetching Roger was shouting at him about the terrible creatures in the woods (most notably the trees that punch!), which naturally scare Doug and Roger and his goons continue to pick on him.  Eventually the hike does start, and Roger insists they go on to find arrowheads, but Doug keeps on hearing some noises coming from the bushes.  Once they approach a dead end, a creature emerges from the same bushes, and its a friendly snake Doug names Mr. Scaley!  But Mr. Scaley scares Roger, and he runs away.  Doug contemplates whether or not he should utilize knowing Roger is scared of snakes to get back at him and embarass him.  He shortly thereafter gets the opportunity at the campfire where everyone is showing their findings, and Doug naturally shows Mr. Scaley, and everyone loves him.  But the snake starts getting close to Roger and scaring him in front of everyone, but Doug stops it just short to show off all of Mr. Scaley's tricks, thus saving Roger from a really embarrassing moment.  Doug and Roger end up getting the merit badges from the challenge, and Roger shows some signs of appreciation for what Doug did, but that's really not gonna change anything.
I don't know either

This is a tough one for me, I've never been part of any type of scouts, and I've never really had a clear cut shot at revenge on someone that I can remember right now, so the only option we have left are outdoors stories.  Luckily, I have two older brothers and have a backyard surrounded by woods, so I do have stories.  We used to walk around in these woods for fun all the time, but there was only one instance in which I ended up being tormented with a thorn branch, and I believe I may have been missing a vital piece of clothing, but my memory on that matter is pretty hazy so I'll let it only be mentioned in passing.  Another painful woods memory for me is a bit more recent than the single digit ages in which the last incident happened.  When I was in the year before high school, I was outside playing frisbee with a few of my oldest brother's friends, a few of my other brother's friends, and I think a friend or two of my own.  As is typical in frisbee games in our backyard, the frisbee would be overthrown and end up deep in the wood.  Being the youngest, I was tasked with retrieving them most of the time.  This one specific time though, the frisbee got really deep, but I accepted my duty and went all Indiana Jones into those woods to get it back.  Getting to the frisbee was fine, but the return wasn't too good for me, it hurt, and I didn't know what was going on.  Black spots were appearing on my hands and I was struggling to push them off as I tried to run to safety.  I finally realized what was happening and emerged from the woods with the frisbee yelling "BEES!!"  As I ripped my shirt off, I apparently had a pretty steady blanketing of bees on my chest, and most notably near my face.  I got stung 4 times inside my ear alone.  I hate bees.
It was kinda like this
 

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