This is truly a great episode with some of Doug's more random daydreams. It starts with Doug in class, and Mr. Bone announcing that the next day will be the when they have their pictures taken for photo swap day, which is exactly what it sounds like, a day of school where the students gather and share their pictures amongst their peers. This information leads us to awesome daydream number 1, photo swap days come and Patti has to apologize to the male population of their class that she can't give any pictures away because they are all going to Doug so he can have one for every day of the year. Back to the real world, Doug is with Skeeter at the day care to pick up his little brother Dale (who the teacher lady claims had said "cool" 12 times and "man" 6 times, to which Skeeter instantly replies "Cool man"), who in all brutal honesty of a child calls Doug "big nose". Doug is literally taken aback by this comment with the terrible realization that his nose is quite large, and is only able to get back to his feet long enough to have the king of perfect timing himself, Roger Klotz, come over and second the notion. Awesome daydream number two follows, where baby Doug is in his stroller, and his mother's friends run away petrified at the monstrous nose on this little baby, which then proceeds to grow even larger! Now Doug resorts to disguise mode, and shows up late for school the next morning with giant fake ears and a coat with massive shoulder pads (not gonna help make you look like less of a loser or freak in my opinion, but maybe he didn't see it the same way). Awesome daydream number three verges off from Mrs. Wingo teaching mathematics(!!!!!!), and Doug thinks to himself "If A equals how big my nose is now, and B represents my nose's annual rate of growth, then by the time I finish college..." and the imagery of Doug thinking fades to a graduation gown with only a nose shown where the face should be, and Skeeter saying "Wow, a nose with a college degree, cool man!" I would like to take a note on this daydream to point out that an 11 and a half year old is thinking in terms of calculus, pair that with his second place in the science fair and that is one smart kid (to be contradicted later in the series). Doug flees to the bathroom and Roger says something hurtful which leads to yet another awesome daydream in which Patti looks at Doug's picture and his protruding nose pokes her eye out. After this Mr. Bone announces the pictures will be taken by last name from Z backwards, and Doug goes to lunch with Skeeter (fresh from his picture is amazed by retinal scarring), Patti, and Bebe Bluff (who it hints has already had her picture taken but that wouldn't be alphabetically correct). Lunchtime discussion involves the word knows, nosey people, and phrases with the word nose in it. Doug flees, and unsuccessfully tries to get dismissed from school, talks to Patti who overheard Roger giving him a hard time and told Doug that his nose gives him character. Doug gets his picture taken and now fast forward to photo swap day, Skeeter points out the pointyness of Roger's hair in his picture to which Roger defends himself by calling Skeeter "Skeet-face" (which is so much funnier since Lil' John completely changed what "skeet" means.) Doug manages to score a picture of Patti after giving her a picture of himself, which leads us to my favorite scene in the episode. Dale returns, but is no longer calling Doug "big nose" but is rather saying "yum yum eat em up" and bites Doug's nose. This basically wraps the episode up.
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| Yum yum eat up up Big Nose!!!!! |
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| Mom and Dad throwing hammers at Mario. |
I suppose this episode gives me nothing else to do but to reflect upon my own physical deformities. Growing up I've had my fair share of big attributes (much to the chagrin of some of my readers this is not a setup for penis jokes). First, I thought I had big eyes, but eventually grew into them. Then I thought I had a big forehead, but eventually grew into it. I also had a period where I thought I had big ears, but grew into those as well. Despite being able to dodge those three bullets, there is one deformity that I will never be able to grow into. Anybody who knows me personally will already know that I am about to reveal that I suffer from a genetic defect commonly known as "club thumb". On both of my hands I have thumbs that have been described over the years as big toes, spoons, hammers, and just plain old disgusting. I have a total love/hate relationship with letting people know and see them, I find it very enjoyable to see people's initial reaction to seeing them (which is usually an entertaining shock followed by an inanimate object they remind them of), and I also like to tell people that I got them from accidentally dropping a sack of hammers on them (note the only things that have ever kept hammers in a sack are the fucking hammer bros. from the Super Mario series). But it sucks to let people know because it then becomes a novelty act, which is moderately embarrassing, its not fun to be a freak show. I have recently gotten some solace in this situation by finding out that famous "sexy lady" Megan Fox (who I find highly overrated) has one of them as well, so I have something in common with a sexy lady!
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| Confession: that's actually my hand |
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