Who Am I!?

Sorry to everybody who reads this title and thinks that I am going to write about the Jackie Chan classic by the same name.  To make it up to those people I will give you this video (Editor's note, the video is gone!)

Oh my that is quite the awesome fight scene!  Almost as good as the fight in They Live!  But I digress, the point of this post is not Jackie Chan or fight scenes, or anything even remotely close to that.  The point of this post stems from my curiosity the other day when I looked at the stat pages for this blog.  I saw that I have views from all over the world and a decent amount of views on the whole, which is cool even though I think a vast majority of the views are people looking at pictures then leaving the page.  I don't think that I have many readers outside of Toninho (link to his blog, Sycophantic Laughter, is always present on this page) and by that I mean I misplaced an m and meant I don't think I have any readers outside Toninho.  But that day I looked at the search results that have brought people to my blog, and I see this list.

It is more than obvious from the top 7 results of those 8 that those views are people searching unrelated things and stumbling upon pictures I have featured on my blog before.  But the last one gets me a little excited, if I can say myself.  To you, Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. Curiosity-Pants, if you are searching that on Google, you have read my blog enough to know that I try to hide who I really am to not have any personal backlash, although if you know me personally, it would be a little obvious.  So my question to you is, why did you think Google would give you this information?  I also want to know why you would think that knowing my real name would make any difference from knowing my pseudonym?  Lastly I just feel a little sad that you would ask Google who I am, when there is a comment box at the bottom of each of my posts  that I would love to see filled with your questions!  So if whoever you are that searched that, and you see this, make use of the comment box and I'll try to write about anything you want to know.  I do ask that you allow me to keep this curtain of anonymity, if it wouldn't be too much to ask.

Fill that thing up!

I'll try to give you some help by consolidating some of the information I have thrown about on this blog before.  I recently graduated college and am going to graduate school for an applied math masters.  My real name is not Chase Robertson, and people have been redirected here by searching "Chase Robertson Houston" and I would like to apologize to Chase Robertson from Houston if my blog using his name as my fake name is a problem, I would see what I could do to change the name of the blog and use a nickname instead.  I am mostly a kid at heart and still have a fondness for Spongebob Squarepants, Doug and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  I enjoy cult movies, I like video games (that aren't online first person shooters) and apparently Jackie Chan.  I am a huge baseball fan (particularly the Red Sox and Braves, and since the middle of last year I've added the Nationals to that list.)  I guess that is a lot of the personal information I have given over the time, feel free to dig through the archives to find what I forgot I wrote.  Anybody who reads this, I urge you to make use of the comment box, especially since I haven't had a whole lot of ideas to write about lately, and I would love to have enough questions to do some sort of mailbag.  Since my reader(s) has (have) been so kind to me, I will grant you a single picture of myself.

Who doesn't want to know more about this guy!

Alternative Universes

A week or two ago I was watching The One with Jet Li, on the whole it was a pretty crappy movie with a few kinda cool fight scenes, exactly what I was expecting to see.  The best part of the movie though was that the premise revolved around the existence of alternate universes, which is a topic that always seems to find itself running through my head often, usually in humorous ways.  An alternate universe can take on all sorts of different personalities or traits, for example one of my friends is always very proud of his creation of the "Sombrero Universe" in which everything is exactly the same, except everyone is wearing a sombrero.  So I will continue to talk about some of my thoughts on alternate universes.

Only in the Sombrero Universe!

My first creation of an alternate universe myself was to imagine what all the people I know would be like in this alternate universe where everyone's personality is the complete opposite of what it is like in real life.  The perfect example of this came when I was talking with a friend about a professor, we were discussing her getting help from him at his office hours, and how in general he was just a fantastically nice guy.  I started asking her how she would respond if instead of being his own nice self, when she went to his office hours he all of a sudden became a total sleazebag who makes awkward sexual advances toward all the girls struggling in his class for improved grades.  This is when his alternate universe alter-ego was created, he still would become a professor, but he would be a horny bastard who has a reputation for a lenient policy on extra-credit.  It is left to assume in this alternate reality he gets all the dirty student-teacher sex he could ever want, but enough about that, lets see who else exists in this alternate reality.  Jennifer Aniston is still America's tough-luck sweetheart, but its only because she is a massive whore, and Angelina Jolie is a complete sweetheart who just happened to find her true love in Brad Pitt when he was with slutty Jen Aniston (oh what a twisted web we weave).  But by far my favorite character in this alternate reality is alternate reality me, who actually writes quality material (other than bullshit about sexually deviant alternate universes), and gets loyal readers.

For your extra credit assignment you must play with my dingaling.

I also had a dream about a lost Chappelle's Show sketch.  The idea of the sketch was about how our cultures came to be the way that they were, and how weird the world would be if things were only slightly different.  The most prominent difference in my dream was the change that would occur in a Chinese Food Restaurant, nothing would be aesthetically different except instead of serving the same delicious MSG-packed Chinese food we are used to, all Chinese restaurants are instead, burger joints.  It truly was entertaining to watch all the Asian people standing in front of grills and flipping burgers and putting limitless amounts of ketchup and mustard on everything while yelling in their native language.  The only problem with this dream was that I am unsure if they also served french fries, and would have loved to hear them ask if I would like fries with that.

My thoughts exactly.

Thinking up different alternate universes can be tons of fun, and also finding what people would be like in the opposite world alternate reality.  The possibilities are endless, we could have an alternate reality where everyone is a surfer dude, so all the anti-society people would rebel by saying they prefer to ride small waves over the giant swells, and apparently there will be no such thing as a vegetable as all of the good farmland is a lot further from the ocean than any surfer would ever want to be.  There could also be the awkward silence universe, where everybody is expecting everyone else to speak next, so every time you converse with someone it is just a long awkward silence while you wait for the other person to think of something to say while they wait for you to think of something to say, and the length of these awkward pauses contain some kind of meaning in themselves so things can get done.  There are infinite possibilities of alternate universes, so if you have any good ideas comment with some good ones, and if I like your ideas I may expand upon them in a future post.  I'll leave you now with this interpretation of an alternate universe, courtesy of Mail Order Comedy, who now make the show Workaholics on Comedy Central.