Project Yancey: Episode 4: Doug's Dog's Date

We peek in on Doug on his front porch playing his banjo blues, why, because Porkchop has been away.  Roger walks on by to hear these blues and makes fun of Doug because hes apparently such a dork that his own dog doesn't even want to hang around him anymore, but Doug just keeps on strumming his banjo.  Soon thereafter, a flashback to the last couple of days starts playing.  Porkchop is just laying around in a spaced out trance akin to being completely stoned, except we know he isn't stoned because he passes up on Doug's gracious offer of a peanutty buddy!  This got Doug really concerned so he took Porkchop to the vet, who doesn't find anything wrong but asked Doug to keep a close eye on Porkchop for a few days, kinda like a detective.  This cues a pretty funny spoof of the Dragnet intro, instead titled "Dognet".  Doug proves to be a pretty dedicated detective and even passes up on the chance of a lifetime as Patti offered to teach him how to play beetball, and even be on her team!  But shortly after, with the help of Mr. Dink, he finds that Porkchop is merely suffering from a case of puppy love for a girl dog in the neighborhood.  Following Mr. Dink's advice, Doug supports Porkchop and even helps him get ready for his first date, but his support for Porkchop leads Doug to a whole night by himself.  Little did Doug know that this one night would turn into many more nights and more dates, until one night when Porkchop stays out a little late.  An awefully worried Doug confronts Porkchop on his way home and leaves him with the "it's either me or her" ultimatum, and assumes Porkchop chooses him when he goes into his igloo.  The next morning Doug looks for Porkchop until none other than Roger shows up to say he just saw Porkchop walking down the street with a suitcase.  Doug then goes to Skeeter to talk things over, but bails on him when he hears that Patti is around playing beetball.  After some excellent beetball playing Doug remembers how he bailed on Skeeter, but returns to find him in the same spot as earlier.  Skeeter helps relate to Doug that girls make guys go crazy, but they will always return to their friends in the end, which makes Doug realize Porkchop was not gone for good so they rush back to the Funnie household.  A saddened Porkchop is sitting on the porch, and they realize hes been broken up with and console him.  But after no time they are back to doing what they do best, playin' the banjo blues.

Porkchop: Always Classy

For my story I won't talk about my dog's first date (thats just ludicrous), but rather about my dawg's first date (yeah I've gone there).  But first some background on this "dawg", in high school he had a sex life on a par with your average danelion, not in the fact hes getting blown all over the place, but rather in that he was an asexual organism.  So when halfway through our freshman year at college I found out he had a crush on a girl, I was shocked and needed to help him out.  This was during my long hair phase so I told him I wouldn't cut my hair (which he hated) until he asked her out, which eventually happened about an inch and a half later.  After years and years of knowing him, I was very happy to hear he was dating a girl, but the sex life thing was still hanging in the balance.  Even though they seemed to be a great couple (even partaking in playing an action packed game of "suggestive Guess Who" with some of our other friends), as far as I know the magic had not been made by the end of the first summer.  After going back to school the unbelievable happened and I found out that if he was Mike Tyson, his girlfriend would have been allowed to give him and interview (if you didn't know, Mike Tyson once told a female reporter "I normally don't do interviews with women unless I fornicate with 'em...So you shouldn't talk no more...Unless you wanna, you know" see 3:00 mark in the video below).  Luckily for me I haven't been completely ditched like Doug, luckily for him he hasn't been dumped like Porkchop, so I guess this story is the complete opposite.