Back on the Horse!

Hold on to your hats ladies and gentlemen because it is finally that time of the month, and by that I mean the good one that involves me updating you all on my life.  To put this plainly, this month passed can only be described succinctly as a shitshow.  I probably throw that term around a lot more loosely than most people, and I'll translate that to clusterfuck.  I've likely experienced an example of every emotion that I've ever known as well as being in all kinds of different mindsets.  It is almost frightening how I had the most variation in my life from day to day in the shortest month of the year.  Glossing over things that I would preferably keep away from the blogosphere, lets talk about some ideas of the month.

What a beautiful image!!

First of all it was the first full month of classes this semester, and I have found that although I have found myself more busy than last semester, I am enjoying this semester a lot more.  I am taking the second semester of a two semester series in numerical methods (using computers as decked-out badass calculators) and am enjoying this semester's class more because the homework thus far has been much more centered on implementing algorithms rather than analyzing them on pen and paper.  I am also taking a second semester of statistics, and am also enjoying this semester's version more in this as well for two reasons.  First is that I am finally starting to get a grasp on the material so the homework isn't as arbitrary to me as it used to be.  Second, the professor has seemed to take what I'm guessing were scathing reviews on her performance last semester to heart, and while she still isn't a good teacher, she has improved.  The other class I'm taking is in Partial Differential Equations, I really like this class because it is an honors undergraduate course rather than a graduate course.  I didn't realize how much I missed undergraduate classes until I took this class and realized I could do the entire problem sets in as long as it takes to do a single problem in my other classes.  I've also been upgraded to being a Teaching Assistant for a senior level mathematical modeling class, it's been much more work for me than when I did Calculus, but the students are good people and I am learning things myself.  Having said that I may be slightly underpaid.

I can analyze this show way too well...

Anyways since nobody cares about my education lets explain where the title of this post is coming from.  I am getting back on the horse as far as trying to recover what remains of my inner irrational-confidence guy.  I am deciding that after what has been over a year of being a lump in the dating game, that I am instead going to start being more proactive in searching for prospective romantic interest, or at the very least someone to entertain me.  Now I know what your thinking, "Chase, you are obviously going to think you are underpaid if you spend so much of your free time at the brothels and strip clubs!"  That's not what I mean by being proactive!  By that I mean I'm going to attempt to be more approachable and talkative in my regular life, and if the situation arises I'm going to ask amicable strangers for their numbers or even dates.  As an overly analytic person, I am led to ask myself "Whats the worst that can happen?"  The answer to that is always going to be instant apocalypse, but that is completely unrelated to the issue at hand, in which the worst case as far as that goes is that they say no and walk away rather than me not asking and them walking away.  It's curious how the word "no" can be such a deterrent despite only being two letters long.

This shirt would save breath

The results of this change of mindset in the short time have been interesting.  The first case was a little more than a month ago, it wasn't anything too aggressive but it was the first time in about a year and a half that I had developed a crush (I hate that fucking word, is there a word that makes me sound like I'm post-puberty?)  Even then I admittedly played the situation like an amateur, so even if there was a chance she was going to have a mutual interest in partaking in activities with each other I probably wasn't helping my own cause.  The second case was a spur of the moment decision to ask the cashier at a coffee place for her number.  This one was a lot more well played, the girl looked a lot like the leading female role in Mike Birbiglia's movie Sleepwalk With Me so I was attracted to her.  Indie chicks dude...  Anyways I went to order my coffee and she was playful and talkative with me so I told her she reminded me of the actress mentioned above, she took the compliment and showed interest in the movie and (seemingly) myself.  It was then that the decisive question came, "Do you want your receipt?" she asked, naturally my response was "Only if it has your number on it."  The third case is ongoing, I was introduced to a friend of a friend on the basis that she and I would get along well.  I will admit it isn't hard to get along with people who are aesthetically pleasing no matter what their personalities are like, but this girl was easy to get along with for me anyways.  Having said that, we possibly got along too well...

Can't get that for the price of a coffee (or two)

As you may have noticed, I have built up these situations without any mention of the results.  Well they all were failed endeavors.  The first one is currently dating the housemate I share a wall with, rumors have it that the second one is potentially a lesbian (would be the first time that's happened) and the third one thought I was gay (sadly not the first time that's happened.)  That sequence of events is like the Gordie Howe hat trick of depression.  But oddly I'm not bothered by it and actually am more encouraged to keep trying by these.  It's like in Dave Chappelle's interview on Inside the Actor's Studio, he talked about his first big show at the Apollo he was booed hard, and that was when he realized he was going to make it.  He was in the midst of what is possibly the worst thing that can happen to a stand-up comedian, and still stood up there thinking that it was still pretty good.  I've had the three worst possible results I can think of of flirting, and its still encouraging because I'm showing progress and getting more comfortable with things.  I wouldn't hold my breath, but maybe my next post written on the topic will be in a completely different light.

Anyways, its getting late and while I'm sure I have more to say, the words are seeming to be escaping me at this moment.  Anyways here's what I feel to be a very underrated scene (mainly due to the way Bruce Campbell responds to the end of the fight) and I'll see y'all next time of the month.