Project Yancey: Doug and Patti Sittin' in a Tree

Breaking News!  I'm breaking my rules, my life does not seem exciting enough to warrant me to be able to use every Doug episode (and some episodes are kind of boring), so instead of going in line I will just find episodes I feel like doing, and will do them in this order.  So I'm going to start on a high note, with the episode where Doug and Patti may have gone on a date.  Enjoy.

You know it!

The episode starts with Doug eating his lunch alone, and Patti sitting next to him and asking him if he would like to go see a movie with her this Friday.  As it takes a while to get the point across to Doug that the movie will just be with the two of them, everybody around them seems to notice and watch the pivotal moment at hand.  And all these people call attention to Doug that it just may be a date no later than Patti takes her leave, and since we know Doug quite well, he doesn't like the attention.  Curious about the fact Patti never specifically said it was a date (even though it obviously was) Doug turns to his good buddies Chaulky and Skeeter for what signs to look for to see if it is a date.  The criteria they come by are the following, does she dress up to meet him, does she let him buy her ticket, and if all else fails, does she let him hold her hand (cue the Beatles)?  After learning how to tell if it is a date, Doug's next issue is what is he to do on this date?  Since Doug has an awesome taste in movies, all of the dates in the movies he owns either end in kung fu, or are completely unrealistic.  This is when Doug decides he was going to get his ideas from asking about and then stalking Judy on her date that night.  By doing this Doug learns a couple things every man should know, you should speak with a goofy accent, use big words, and and lastly you need to steal your kisses (optional).  Now is the time to put this new knowledge to work, and by that the obvious conclusion is that he invited Skeeter over to help him simulate the date using a dating book and Porkchop as Patti.  He shouldn't have chosen to do this at his house though, because its not long before his entire family finds out about it and makes a huge deal about it.  Eventually, Doug goes on his (potential) date, and his walk is met with a lot of his acquaintances lining the streets with comments to him.  No more than 10 seconds after seeing Patti, he already starts to get conflicting signals about the date, first he sees Patti dressed up, good sign, but then she ignores the fact he bought two tickets and buys her own.  So it all comes down to the hand holding.  Unfortunately only paying half-attention to the masterpiece on screen in which a crocodile is in love with a rich lady, Doug fails to find a chance to try to hold Patti's hand.  So now the night is nearly over and Doug starts walking Patti home and they discuss the movie.  During this Doug accidentally(?) grabs her hand and they both clearly like it but continue to walk back to her house in awkward silence.  Doug decides to find out once and for all, and asks Patti if it was a "whatever" and she really doesn't know if it was a "you know", but it clearly was.  And then they start slowly moving towards each other and it looks like they are gonna kiss!  But then Patti goes inside and keeps Doug wondering, but with a good feeling that it was a date.  A little down the road Doug gets confronted by all the boys from his school, it seems they are going to make fun of him, but they instead ask for a few pointers.  They want girls, and Doug's got girls, kids money.

Word spreads fast I see!

First allow me to link to this video if you did not grasp how awkward Doug's walk back to Patti's house was.  If this episode has a moral, and that I'm getting it right, it must be that the dating game sucks and is vague and you just need to suck it up and get used to it.  Right?  I've never been a fan of the whole dating scene in high school and college, I don't think I've ever got the hang of it completely, and likely never will.  I've tried to do everything under the sun, I've been the nice guy, I've been the crazy guy, I've been the shy guy, I've been the straight forward guy, I've been the former-friend-turned-romantic-interest, I've been Mr. Right Now, but I've never been anything of any note.  This may be that I haven't particularly played any of these roles very well, because I haven't been dealing with the right girls, or maybe it is just because I am not a lucky person.  But you know what, to hell with it.  One day my bad luck will run out and by some miracle, I will find some girl who is just as strange and messed up as I am, or maybe she won't be anything like that and she will be incredibly well adjusted (unlike me) and it will somehow work out, or maybe she will just be a regular person like the rest of us and everything will be moderately exciting but go well.  See, this is where I probably go wrong, I don't know or care what I want, I just want it.  I also want to waste your time by having all you readers out there read this.  So I am going to go watch some British teen dramas or something ridiculous of that sort to see if I can have an epiphany (I wont), meanwhile you guys can realize you would have saved a lot of time if I just linked to this video at the beginning.  End unnecessary rant, cue REH!