Quick Update

Hello everyone, as is my norm, I will start this article by apologizing for such a long break between posts.  I think that is one thing I'm going to stop doing as the one person who reads this blog understands that this is how I write, I am also going to try to refrain from promising that I'm going to write more often at the end, because I surely know that that is a lie.

So what's new with my life?  I spent most of the last two months on break and being completely restless while giving in to FIFA addiction.  This last week I have announced that I am going to take a lengthy hiatus from playing FIFA as the last time I played I reached nearly unfathomable levels of rage and disappointment.  To make sure that FIFA stays in the opposite corner of my room as my Xbox, I vowed to attempt to spend this semester trying to beat all 5 Splinter Cell games in preparation for Blacklist this summer.  But there isn't a whole lot of interest in my video game habits so lets talk about other things.

Badass.

For the first time in 2 years I am returning to a familiar place at the beginning of a semester (since I'm still in school I still use semesters as my standard time frame.)  After a half year of graduate school I'm only partially sure of what direction I want to go with my adult life.  I am pretty sure that after reading The Signal and the Noise by Nate Silver this last month that I have an interest in predictive modeling and hope to be able to find myself doing that for the rest of my life.  This field really interests me because I've always wished I would be able to predict the future.  This reflects in my method of speaking, as more observant people that I know have noticed that I never speak in definite, I will always qualify what I say in one way or another, mostly by using "probably" in the place of "yes."  I do this intentionally, I have no idea what is going to happen to me in the time span between the present and when I am supposed to do whatever I am being asked to do.

I spend a lot of time at night thinking about things and building these intricate futures in my head where things happen in ways that are favorable to me, as any reader of this blog could easily figure out, these futures have vaguely reflected what actually happens a total of zero times in my life.  Maybe if I devote my life to the craft and try really hard I will start to get a few of these predictions correct, even if it means I tone down (or even abolish) the prerequisite that I am favored in the future.  This divergence between reality and expectation has caused me much of my strife over the course of the last few years, although it has been slightly less problematic recently.  Basically I want to accept that I can't control the world, but at the very least I should be able to anticipate what it's going to do.

Take a left! I know a good place there!

On a completely different note, I went to see a Lewis Black concert a few weeks ago.  I am by no means a fan of his work but did enjoy the show, but it got me thinking about stand-up comedy as a craft.  I try to be funny on this blog a large portion of the time, but it's seemingly become a 50/50 split between funny posts and me complaining about things (guess which this one is!)  For the most part I fancy myself to be a clever and insightful person, which is are usually good qualities in comedians, yet I don't find myself to be excessively funny in my everyday life.  It was at that show that I realized that you don't need to be, but for the most part people will laugh a lot harder at your jokes because you are on a stage telling them to a crowd of strangers.  I've secretly had a couple of jokes written in my head that I have tried to tell people and work on over the years and am hoping that I can make up enough to feel confident trying it out myself.

But anyways this quick update turned out to be a lot longer than I expected, I guess I just had too many things to talk about saved up to be able to keep this concise and on topic.  Hopefully next time I decide to write (some random time in the future) I will be in better spirits and produce a funny piece, but I feel I needed to vent a little and while I haven't quite done that to completion, there are some things I don't want to talk to the internet about.  I'll leave you with my Magic 8 Ball's response to me asking if things are going to be good for me this semester.  "It is decidedly so," hooray.

This is Clearly Not Homework

I will be the first to admit that this post is likely me procrastinating from doing my last assignments for the semester or even getting an early start on studying for finals.  My excuse is that I haven't blogged for about a month and I owe it to myself to take a minute to look back on the month that was, the semester passed and even my entire life at large.  The only question now is to figure out what exactly it is that I'm going to blabber on about for an arbitrary word count and time of your busy schedule.  Lets start out with something that I have been meaning to write about for a long time now (and won't if I don't take this time to say it.)

It has been nearly a year since I graduated college, and after a few months of struggling to enjoy myself (see all posts from early 2012) I spent a month back in my apartment at the school I had formerly attended before partaking in the commencement ceremony with my friends and peers.  I am simply amazed that I have barely mentioned this month on this blog, perhaps only mentioning it in passing and how I really wanted to write about it in depth one day.  The reason I am amazed about this is that it is for all intents and purposes the best month of my life to date, and perhaps the greatest month I will ever live.  I had been planning to visit my friends and crash at the apartment I was still paying for for the months since my graduation and had only done so in February for the Job Fair, (a week I wrote about on Valentine's day of all days) so I thought that since I had no prior engagements or any other reason to be at home for another month that I would waste my month away having fun for one of the last times I could ever be truly carefree.  I'll tell you this, I can barely imagine a world that could be more perfect.  Every morning I woke up whenever my circadian rhythm would tell me to, and did exactly as I wanted to do (read: anything within reason) every day without fail.  It was great and I feel that in that month I was able to not only catch up with people whom I had really wanted to catch up with, but I also strengthened multiple friendships to the point where I am quite sure they will last forever.  But to prevent myself from getting too sentimental, lets tell some stories!

Gather round kiddies!

Lets start with night number one, a night that I will always have proof of happening, or maybe it was night two... Either way it was one of the first nights of my return.  Since I had nothing better to be doing, I was drinking on a Tuesday night along with two of my good friends who also had apparently nothing better to be doing.  So we were playing a card game known as "Kings," if you are familiar with this game you will realize that it will not end extremely well when you play with only three people, as well as the fact that one specific card requires a female to be present, which we did not happen to have on hand at the moment.  We remedied the first situation by sucking it up and being men, we remedied the second situation by ruling that when that card came up the person on your right was given free reign to ask any question and get a truthful answer, this second rule is responsible for the aforementioned strengthening of friendships.  The first rule led to something that will be relevant later.  Anyways the game itself was uninteresting except for one rule which resulted in one of my friends knocking on our housemate's door while he was having a private conversation with a ladyfriend, he was also ruled to have to ask that friend whether or not sodomy was legal in the particular state we were in, this is something I still find to be hilarious despite it being a little bit of a "dick move."  Anyways, after this game we played another game in which we were tasked with putting ping pong balls into cups that were much further than an arm's length away (not a practical thing to do) in which case I was in a state that hindered my coordination to a point that I was unable to perform this task with any success.  As is typical of this situation, I had to run around in the backyard for a short time.  Whilst running around outside like a moron (which I am), I forgot that there was a knee-high stone wall in the path of my running.  Looking back, I probably should have gone to get stitches, but it managed to heal without getting infected although I do have a scar in place of my regular skin to remind me of that night.  

If only I had this...

The rest of that month was full of similar nights that did not include myself hurting myself, but many other fun times that I may slowly refer to as this blog goes on, there was also a lot of friendly softball and video games, a month I surely will never forget.  Back to this month that was, I have spoken before about how much I love Thanksgiving since becoming a college student, and this year reinforced this love even more than I could have hoped.  Not only did I once again have excuses for drawing hand turkeys, but I also got into the festive mood more than ever before.  Because my Halloween plans sadly failed to come into being, I had part of a self-fashioned Pilgrim costume remaining in my closet and proceeded to wear my makeshift hat for the duration of both Thanksgiving festivities I had partaken in!  Also, for those more observant readers of mine I did in fact say both meaning that I had an extra Thanksgiving dinner this year!  The weekend before Thanksgiving I had a celebration with my friends from school, which I think went much better than expected. Then I had a great time being back home and seeing all of my friends there that I don't see as often as I would typically like to, as well as my Thanksgiving day in which I had a great time with my family then had a few friends over to watch a certain classic Thanksgiving film!  I then spent the following weekend back with the friends from school in the nearby major city to celebrate a special birthday for one of us!  All in all it was a fantastic time, the kind of time I needed to have at a time like this when work gets tough.  

It's hard not to!

I think this was a good catch up and procrastination!  Stay tuned as I will hopefully be writing much more in the coming weeks as classes are starting to die down.  Also, for those dedicated readers who are still awaiting the answer to my question posed at the end of the post I did a short time ago, I guess my best descriptor at the moment would be the link.  As always, best wishes anyone and I will be waiting for your return.

Things About My Life That Entertain Me

Hello all, once again I have gone quite a long time without gracing you with some insight into my mind, and for that I am actually a little sad.  I have gotten some writing done due to the MLB playoffs and Penultimate Round Pick, but what is the point of writing if you can't bitch and moan about things you don't like in your life?  Also, not much has happened in the last two months for me to have felt the need to report it to this blog, instead I will write about trends in my life that I find to be somewhat interesting.  They are not all good things, I would be surprised if any of them actually were good things but you need to learn how to take annoyances in stride.  I have learned this, so here are some trends in my life that I find to be entertaining.

One of which is the fact I can get people to confide in me quite easily.  The result of this is that I have a lot of useless information about people that I would rather not know.  The worst part of this is that this information is largely sexual, I have no reason to know a general estimate of how "endowed" you think you are nor would I ever want to know anything about all the chicks or dudes you have plowed through in your time.  I certainly will act like I enjoy what you are saying and will smile politely and nod my head, but for the most part I haven't asked you about any of this information, I don't have a reason to know it and I usually would rather not know it.  Juxtapose this stance with the fact that I often open myself up to people I barely know and love to say things to people for the sole purpose of seeing how they react, I could possibly be the least well-rounded person I've ever met.

Where does Asshole go?

Next - because it is always a topic of great interest to me - lets talk about chicks man, especially ones who are physically more well-rounded than I am metaphorically.  I have noticed a great trend among the girls that I have met over my life.  As I said earlier, people trust in me quite quickly, and I truly have no idea why, they are probably all idiots.  Some of these people are female, I actually think in recent times I get along better with females once I actually get to the point of talking to them.  The only problem with this is that I get along with many of them too well, which I know isn't a typically bad thing since some of them can be good people.  The bad thing is that with every one of them I know they want to see good things happen for me, and more than a few of them get excited any time I bring up the idea of me finding a girl that I am interested in.  The thing is, if I get along with a girl well enough at that point there is usually a better than odds chance that I wouldn't mind them being a girl I am interested in, and there is also a better than odds chance that they would prefer that not be the case.  Fuck that situation, complete rubbish, been in it too many times that it's starting to get old.  Now I guess I should spare myself the extreme finger fatigue that would come with airing all my grievances about my love life and move onto a new topic.  

Something to avoid.

I guess its not a completely new topic, but lets talk about elevators!  Out of the last few conversations with female strangers that I have found to be enlightening, more than half of them have been inside of an elevator, and I am sad to say I am not the courageous man I need to be to ask a girl on a date because of a 10 story climb or descent.  Maybe next time I will need to show some testicular fortitude and get those digits, but in all likelihood, I will make great conversation then let those cold metal doors close in my face locking out any potential.  I also wonder what it is about elevators that cause me to be so much more personable than nearly every other social situation I have found myself in.  My theory is that it is the only situation in which I have a ready-made comment to start a conversation, what is this line you ask?  Could it possibly be better than my "icebreaker for the hall of fame" mentioned in this previous article?  Probably not, but here it is.  I wait on the elevator and mind my own business until the elevator does something funny (in my building there is always something funny happening in the elevators), it is usually a strange sound but sometimes can be erratic doors, if there is a girl I find particularly compelling who might enjoy my wit I think out loud, "I've seen way too many bad movies to feel safe in an elevator."  Any girl who would chuckle at that comment is usually the kind of girl for me so then I know to try to say something more.  Otherwise, I made a fool out of myself to a stiff.

Well there it is, some of the things I find entertaining in my everyday life.  I'm sure this list is not exhaustive (especially since if only 3 things in my life entertained me I would be a sorry sad person) so maybe one day you all will see a sequel to this.  Until then, enjoy the little bit that I have given you and make sure to put more posts from me on all your Christmas lists, maybe Santa will come a little early!

The People I Have Been

This is a piece I have meant to write for quite some time so I think I'll write it now for no better reason than because I want to write and this is the only piece I can think to write.  I understand at this point that by writing this that it may point out some potential social issues I may have, but for now I'm going to assume this is a normal way to act.  Throughout the years of my life I have found myself in many different situations that have caused me to have to tweak my personality to fit some supposed role I have determined for myself.  Every now and then I look back and think to myself about how I behaved in some roles, and wonder what the hell I was thinking.  So without further interruption, here are the roles I of today believe I tried to play in past years.

Role #1 Child (Birth-7th Grade)
This one is self-explanatory, until I turned 13 I didn't really have the mental abilities to understand cause and effects of culture so I existed as is.  During these times I didn't find myself with many long lasting friends, which probably suggests something about who I am naturally.

I really had no choice!

Role #2 Mr, Irrational Confidence Guy! (7th Grade- 10th Grade)
I became this person too early, it would probably be beneficial if I hadn't become Mr. Irrational Confidence Guy until this day and age.  By that I mean I was extremely ballsy in talking to girls, and had absolutely no reason to have been (hence the irrational confidence part), but now that I believe there is an outside chance that I have something to give a woman there is no confidence to be found.  During this time I told a popular girl she was a tall glass of water and I was thirsty (note I was far from popular, likely because of comments like that), bet that I could date a girl only to brag about it semi-publicly like a complete asshat and have that be the reason she didn't date me and even at one point I was very close to dating a popular girl from the grade below me despite my lack of popularity.  What made me feel I was a person who was able to do those things successfully is beyond me, but I simultaneously envy and hate that little prick.  This role mostly coincided with kid who wanted to be popular because I felt a little inferiority complex from having a popular older brother in the grade above me.  I have long since gotten over that inferiority complex and consider it a great lesson toward becoming the man I am today.

I thought I could be cool like Fonzie...

Role #3 Intentional Outsider/Nerd (11th Grade-High School Graduation)
Entering my Junior year of high school I found myself embracing my natural nerdiness/ unpopularity and decided that I should live with it.  I think this is partially because I started taking AP classes so I was separated from the less intelligent cool kids, and thrown into a setting with a lot more people who were more like me.  I found that in these situations I preferred the company of the less popular kids because I didn't seem to have to act as much.  This led me to a renaissance of playing video games (usually spent my weekends playing, including typical 11-3 shifts on Xbox Live with friends) and discovering new music (birthing my love for 90s music.)  During these years I found my number of friends grow exponentially as I found that there was another group of kids in my own grade (including Toninho!) who were a lot similar to my usual group that I hung out with at that time.  Along with that, there were still some residual effects from Mr. Irrational Confidence Guy as I was still much more aggressive in the dating world than I am now, even though that included barking up the tree of the bet girl previously mentioned for a whole year, honk if you are surprised that was a fruitless endeavor!

...But I was always much more Urkell

Role #4 The Kinda Crazy/ Weird Kid (Freshman Year of College)
I was actually called out on acting this role out once, a friend of mine said he hated me when he first met me because I made it out like I did all these crazy things and was a wild person, but never actually did anything.  It was completely true, but I was in a completely new environment and am kind of an introvert, so I needed to adopt this kind of personality to meet people.  And you know what, it was successful!  I met most of my friends in college one fateful day Freshman year when some kids in my hall that my roommate knew found a box and pranked our room by having someone hide in the box and jump out of it to scare me when I answered the door.  I don't remember how (possibly because nobody else wanted to do this prank to people they didn't know) I ended up being the guy in the box as we repeated this prank on other doors across the hall.  I ended up hanging out with these kids a lot over the next few weeks and this became some of the best friendships I've had in my life.  Say what you want, but this was a turning point in my life as this was a month into school and I was already considering getting a transfer due to the environment.  I never followed through with it and am very happy about that in retrospect.  This is the time when Mr. Irrational Confidence Guy completely died out as I was finally able to appreciate how stupid and contrived a lot of my attempts to woo women were, leaving your name and room number with "(insert name here) is cute" on the whiteboard on someone's door is only going to get erased, not responded to.

Chase in the Box!

Role #5 The Playful Older Guy? (Sophomore Year)
I really don't know what to call this guy, a lot of weird stuff happened over the course of that year, and I found it to be an emotional roller coaster.  Before the school year started I spent a lot of my time flirting with girls at the grocery store I worked at to slight success at best (I've written about this in multiple posts before so I'm not elaborating).  This year I spent a large amount of my social energy on trying to meet Freshman girls at school, I was older and that had an effect on girls at that age.  I can't remember how I spent my first semester of that year, but it was the first semester I had ever spent as an undergraduate TA for a class, and I had a student start making moves on me as the semester came to a close.  I thought that was going to be a great thing for me, but somehow before coming back to school for Spring she ran into her ex-boyfriend, and needed time to "think" apparently texting "what's up?" fortnightly, is pressuring so she decided to make me aware of this by never speaking to me again.  I don't get subtle messages born of idiocy very well so I asked her about it and she told me so.  It was dumb, and she transferred out of the school at the end of the semester due to said idiocy (yes, I'm bitter.)  Later a girl I knew and her boyfriend broke up and she talked to me to get over it.  I started to become fond of this girl because of this (guys are made to be attracted to emotional vulnerability I suppose) and followed through with this feeling.  I even got blessing from the ex-boyfriend whom she completely hated at this point (a former student of mine and a damn fine kid at that.)  She was apparently never that interested and nothing panned out save for a date.

I also watched the Prisoner!

Role #6 The Random Information Guy (Junior Year)
I had a weird housing designation for this year, I was living in a single a mile or so from the rest of my friends, and often found that leaving my room was burdensome.  Needless to say I spent a larger chunk of that year than usual by myself, and even created this blog during this time.  I'm sure my personality in my writing is different if you contrast then with now (2 years strong), and back then I was definitely more spontaneous and weird than I am now.  When I was around people I was typically getting dinner with my friends and one of their girlfriends and sometimes some of her friends.  For some reason since she was the only new person I was getting used to I found the part of my personality that she enjoyed was the part that came out the most (because I apparently can't deal with being disliked) and that part happened to be the part of me that comes off as a weird sexual deviant.  You mention one too many things you read on Urban Dictionary, and some people will actually think you do this stuff.  As time went on I'm fairly sure she got to know the more mundane me, but the weird kid kind of took precedence for over the course of that year.  Overall, the year was pretty uneventful save for the death of my car, which I still need to blog about at some point.

Foolproof way to make friends!

Role #7 The Laid Back Senior (Fall Semester Senior Year)
This semester was a great time of my life, I wasn't taking overly difficult courses, I was graduating at the end of the semester, I was over 21 for the first time in my life and I was living off campus with some awesome guys.  I didn't go out nearly as much this semester as I had in other years because I had no reason to, I could have all the fun I wanted to have in my house with my friends.  In this semester I played a lot of video games and drank a lot of beer.  There really isn't much else to say about this person, he had his fun and did what he wanted to do, except for the fact I didn't really try to date anybody at this time due to the short window of time.

Role #8 The Manchild (January 2012-Now)
This was a trying time for me, I was unemployed, graduated and had no idea what I was doing going forward.  I also had no car, and had no friends nearby that weren't consistently busy.  I spent nearly all my time bouncing between my Xbox and computer.  It was probably one of the worst times of my life for the first month or two, but eventually I got used to it and managed to pass the time (Mass Effect, Arkham City and Fifa helped) and after a short time, a few failed job searches, I got my Grad School acceptances in and decided I was going to continue to be a manchild for a few more months and then go back to school.  During these months I reinvigorated my love for Spongebob, watched a lot of cult and B-movies and then went back to my house at my old school for a month before the graduation ceremony.  This phase is directly responsible for my recent shift in movie and music tastes, gaining a taste for "so bad it's good" films and indie rock.

If you Insist!

Role #9 To Be Determined Dude (Now)
I'm in a new setting and, as I always have, I am going to have to assume a new role.  Usually these roles come organically and I don't need to consciously decide what person I'm going to be next, so lets give it time and see what I will think of current me next year.  This probably sheds a decent amount of light to people what it is like to be me, I still don't know if this is normal, but it's my normal and I'm just trying to be myself.

New Setting, New Life

Hey all, since the last time I wrote I have been completely busy making a new life for myself!  By that I mean I have finally began the graduate school that I have been alluding to for a few months now!  It has certainly been a different kind of world for me these last few weeks and I was thinking that instead of writing another piece about Dan Uggla's arms (which are still huge), I should actually tell you all about how I feel about this new life.  First of all, being a graduate student is fantastic.  You get to kind of live like an undergraduate except with more work and responsibilities, which is fine because in my case I have been given an office to share, so rather than kill time between classes and during the day, I have a place to return to and do some of my work.  I have also been notably more of an adult, going to bed before midnight and waking up in time to go to my office early and get my mind sorted out before classes start.  One thing that has really surprised me is that I have been consistently spending most of my weekdays in the math department for regular working hours, yet by doing this I have been able to have free weekends and am even going to be traveling over this coming weekend to hopefully see one of my favorite pitchers become the MLB's first 20 game winner!  I'm sure these free weekends will become a luxury in due time as classes start to pick up and homework becomes abundant, but I have been enjoying the ones I have had thus far.  

Nobody talked about this trade enough...

To deserve my office, I have been given the responsibility of being a Teaching Assistant (or TA for you folk who love their acronyms) for a class in the department.  For obvious reasons I am not going to mention the school name, class name, student names, my name nor anything vaguely identifiable about this course.  All I will let you know is that so far I have loved having this responsibility and have enjoyed every interaction with my students.  I guess I can also use this time to brag about how good I look in a blazer, believe me when I say that I am a rather handsome fellow to have teaching you math.  I have found the other people in the department to be welcoming, which I always appreciate seeing that meeting people has always seemed like an odd thing to me.  It is amazing to me to wonder what causes people to meet, since everyone seems to have no interest in other people when you see them walking down the street, and even when meeting someone, what causes you to want to see them again?  Social commentary/awkwardness aside, I've found a solid foundation of people to talk to when I need help or just to entertain myself for a little while without having to stray too far from my office!  But enough about work, how about we discuss a little bit of playtime, because all work and no play makes Chase a dull boy!

Don't forget frozen!  Dull and frozen.

As I mentioned, I have been able to spend a large amount of my weekends worry free, and even some of my weeknights!  For being more or less a stranger to everybody moving into my house a few weeks ago, I have found my living arrangements quite comfortable and don't believe I have a single thing to complain about in that department.  During the weekdays I tend to spend my off time at my house, and have rarely found myself bored.  My small sample size of weekends here has proved to be better than my undergraduate time, where I have yet to end a weekend without something to ponder or a story to tell.  I've had a few former students that I have known come up on the weekend and show me the ropes as well as introduce me to some people whose company I have found to be entertaining.  But even when I am not trying to have fun, I have been able to find enjoyment out here, such as walking from place to place.  As I have noted before my undergraduate school was predominantly male, which may even be an understatement, and this school is a lot closer to 50/50, if not more female!  So when I am walking from place to place as my schedule dictates, I am often presented with something nice to look at as I walk, which I appreciate very much.  I am not even exaggerating that I feel like Psy (watch this video and enjoy it, it is perfection) every time I walk somewhere.

ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

Unfortunately this great gift is not without it's costs, because on those same walks where I have so much to look at there is one thing I can't help but notice, that being how miserable everybody looks.  Listen here kiddies, I don't care if its 9:00am on a Monday morning, if you are walking around on a college campus in this day and age and you are not even pretending to enjoy yourself, you are a truly sad person.  Maybe it's only because I have been on the other side and seen what it is like to be out of college and then return at a young enough age to be able to take full advantage of returning, but it seems to me these spoiled kids have no idea what a great time of their life they are just moping away!  Ladies and gentlemen, this is what college is, you are a young person in the prime of your life thrown into an environment filled with other people your age, where almost any action you take part in can be rationalized by saying "I'm in college, now is the time to try it," you are physically able to perform nearly any action you will ever be able to do in your life, and if there is anything (no matter how strange) you would ever like to try, you are probably no more than a mile from someone else who shares this desire and would probably partake in it with you.  Reread that last sentence and find any reason to be sad.  I know some of you are thinking "Hey Chase! You are clearly forgetting to mention how hard classes are!"  To those people all I can say is, I'm a grad student, my classes are much more demanding than anything undergrads are doing, and to tell you the truth, it is much much easier and enjoyable than anything you will be doing in the real world.  If you need any more reason to believe that college is the best place on Earth, remember this, Jamarcus Russell was successful in college!

I used this guy and successful in the same sentence, without using "not"!

So long faithful readers, and don't worry undergraduate school, I will always have a soft spot for you and your students, but I'm gonna go have the time of my life now.  More on the way!

Who Am I!?

Sorry to everybody who reads this title and thinks that I am going to write about the Jackie Chan classic by the same name.  To make it up to those people I will give you this video (Editor's note, the video is gone!)

Oh my that is quite the awesome fight scene!  Almost as good as the fight in They Live!  But I digress, the point of this post is not Jackie Chan or fight scenes, or anything even remotely close to that.  The point of this post stems from my curiosity the other day when I looked at the stat pages for this blog.  I saw that I have views from all over the world and a decent amount of views on the whole, which is cool even though I think a vast majority of the views are people looking at pictures then leaving the page.  I don't think that I have many readers outside of Toninho (link to his blog, Sycophantic Laughter, is always present on this page) and by that I mean I misplaced an m and meant I don't think I have any readers outside Toninho.  But that day I looked at the search results that have brought people to my blog, and I see this list.

It is more than obvious from the top 7 results of those 8 that those views are people searching unrelated things and stumbling upon pictures I have featured on my blog before.  But the last one gets me a little excited, if I can say myself.  To you, Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. Curiosity-Pants, if you are searching that on Google, you have read my blog enough to know that I try to hide who I really am to not have any personal backlash, although if you know me personally, it would be a little obvious.  So my question to you is, why did you think Google would give you this information?  I also want to know why you would think that knowing my real name would make any difference from knowing my pseudonym?  Lastly I just feel a little sad that you would ask Google who I am, when there is a comment box at the bottom of each of my posts  that I would love to see filled with your questions!  So if whoever you are that searched that, and you see this, make use of the comment box and I'll try to write about anything you want to know.  I do ask that you allow me to keep this curtain of anonymity, if it wouldn't be too much to ask.

Fill that thing up!

I'll try to give you some help by consolidating some of the information I have thrown about on this blog before.  I recently graduated college and am going to graduate school for an applied math masters.  My real name is not Chase Robertson, and people have been redirected here by searching "Chase Robertson Houston" and I would like to apologize to Chase Robertson from Houston if my blog using his name as my fake name is a problem, I would see what I could do to change the name of the blog and use a nickname instead.  I am mostly a kid at heart and still have a fondness for Spongebob Squarepants, Doug and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  I enjoy cult movies, I like video games (that aren't online first person shooters) and apparently Jackie Chan.  I am a huge baseball fan (particularly the Red Sox and Braves, and since the middle of last year I've added the Nationals to that list.)  I guess that is a lot of the personal information I have given over the time, feel free to dig through the archives to find what I forgot I wrote.  Anybody who reads this, I urge you to make use of the comment box, especially since I haven't had a whole lot of ideas to write about lately, and I would love to have enough questions to do some sort of mailbag.  Since my reader(s) has (have) been so kind to me, I will grant you a single picture of myself.

Who doesn't want to know more about this guy!

Top Ten Spongebob Episodes

So as I pointed out a while ago, I am a big fan of Spongebob Squarepants.  I personally find it to be one of the most consistently funny shows ever made, and unlike other comedic cartoons (I'm looking at you Family Guy and South Park) the show doesn't often have to use "adult" situations (sex, politics, obscure references, violence) to create humor which I find to be a hallmark of good writing.  If you haven't seen it the premise is simple, a sponge named Spongebob lives in a Pineapple under the sea and goes about his everyday life with other characters that are ostensibly based on the 7 deadly sins in some manner.  But it is most likely you have seen it, but not to the extent I have, so let me present to you my top 10 favorite episodes, which I ranked in an unbiased way by giving each story a rating from 1-10 by going alphabetically down the list, then combining it's score with it's sister story (as it is a children's cartoon episodes are usually cut into two 11 minute stories) and basing my ratings off that.  I also want to point out that I was only familiar enough with the first 5 seasons of the show (as much as Netflix has) so those episodes are the only ones included so for seasons 6 and on, you are on your own, which is a pity because I think A Life in a Day/ Sun Bleached could have been a dark horse for the top 10.  So without further interruption, here are the episodes I think you need to watch.

10: Nasty Patty/ Idiot Box (Season 3) 17.4 Rating
Nasty Patty is likely a better episode watched as an adult than as a child, as it's premise is a spoof of the typical "body movie" where cohorts in a crime are trying to dispose of a body.  It is a pretty dark episode as the premise suggests, Spongebob and Mr. Krabs believe they have killed a health inspector by giving him a Krabby Patty that they sabotaged thinking that the health inspector was a fake trying to get free food.  It's highlights include the invention of the term "schmeckledorfed" and an increasingly insane Mr. Krabs telling the police that ice is a myth.  On the other hand, Idiot Box is a much more lighthearted episode based around the childish imagination of Spongebob and Patrick as opposed to Squidward's lack of imagination.  Spongebob and Patrick order a big-screen television solely for the purpose of playing in the box, and the whole time Squidward starts to feel like they are mocking him in the box.  This one is consistently funny and if I had to choose a highlight it would be the rainbow that appears between Spongebob's hands as he says imagination on multiple circumstances.

See! It even became a scarcely used meme!

#8T Dying for Pie/ Imitation Krabs (Season 2) 17.6 Rating

I really must be a dark person, the first two entries in this top 10 list are two of the very few episodes to acknowledge the concept of death.  Dying for Pie starts with Employee Brotherhood Day and Spongebob is all about it while Squidward has no idea that it existed, as Mr. Krabs requires Squidward get a gift, he buys a pie from a group of pirates conveniently in the parking lot, except they don't have actual pies, just bombs that look like pies.  As Mr. Krabs and Squidward believe Spongebob to have eaten the pie, a remorseful Squidward tries to give Spongebob a great last day.  My favorite part of the episode is Spongebob's gift to Squidward, a sweater made from his eyelashes.  Imitation Krabs is one of (if not the) best Plankton episodes where he makes a robot to replace Mr. Krabs in the Krusty Krab to trick Spongebob into giving him the secret formula.  Here's a classic highlight from the episode.

#8T Sleepy Time/ Suds (Season 1) 17.6 Rating
There is always a bit of nostalgia to the first season of any long running television show.  Sleepy Time is a great episode, and one of the few to make use of a majority of the main characters in the show, as Spongebob finds himself able to invade the dreams of his friends for a night and causes problems for each of them.  I love the concept of the episode and think each character's dreams are perfectly fitting for their personalities, it also stuns me that they were able to do this episode successfully in the first season.  My favorite part is Patrick's dream, it's so empty!  Suds addresses the concept of sickness as leaving the fridge open overnight causes Spongebob's house to freeze over and he catches the suds (a sponge's version of the cold), he tries to get medical help from Patrick because a mixture of reading old magazines and a cold stethoscope scares Spongebob away from wanting to see a real doctor.  When Spongebob actually sees a real doctor at the end, it creates a great scene that I believe was one of the first times Spongebob is shown as a real kitchen sponge in the real world.

This is seriously part of it..

#7 The Secret Box/ Band Geeks (Season 2) 17.7 Rating
This episode is one of my first memories of moving into my apartment last August, there was only one of my housemates with me for the week and we both loved Spongebob and I remember we watched this episode because he said it was one of his favorites.  The Secret Box revolves around Patrick having a secret box that he won't show Spongebob, and the rest of the episode is Spongebob trying to see what is in the box.  Not meaning to spoil it, the end of the episode is the best when Spongebob sees there is only a string inside the box and walks away thinking Patrick is an idiot, but then Patrick shows if you pull the string it opens a secret compartment that has an embarrassing photo of Spongebob from the Christmas party, but we never see the photo.  Band Geeks is simply one of the best storylines the show has ever run, this is a foregone conclusion that makes this episode worth watching alone.  Squidward's high school rival Squilliam returns to Bikini Bottom and is much more successful so Squidward lies about having a top-notch band and Squilliam allows the band to play in his place at the Bubble Bowl.  The rest of the episode is Squidward trying to make his untalented friends a band and hilarity.  Watch it, here's how it ends.

Secret TV Channel!

#6 Arrgh!/ Rock Bottom (Season 1) 18.1 Rating
We just took a big jump in ratings to get to this which I find pretty surprising given how good the last episode was.  Arrgh! is a great episode for both Patrick and Mr. Krabs, where on a slow day at the Krusty Krab, Spongebob and Patrick play a treasure hunting board game and invite Mr. Krabs to play, who then gets way too into the game and invites the other two to help him search for a real treasure.  There are many good parts from this one, Patrick mistaking east with "weast", Spongebob's "You're good" as Patrick scrapes up the boat, and PLASTIC!  Rock Bottom is a wacky episode.  Spongebob ends up getting stranded in a strange town, and I really cannot do this episode any justice with words.  Just let it be known that it caused the following poster (which I wish I could own) to be made and watch it yourself.

LOVE IT!

#5 Texas/ Walking Small (Season 1) 18.2 Rating

Believe it or not, this was the episode released immediately after the last one, the writers hit a really good streak down the middle of season 1 as I will point out later.  Texas is the first episode on the list that centers around Sandy as she becomes homesick and plans to leave Bikini Bottom to return to Texas.  Despite the fact that this episode mocks and entire state, it is a classic and features some great jokes.  Walking Small is another Plankton episode as he tries to get Spongebob to help him clear land for a new Chum Bucket by teaching him to be assertive.  The difference between being assertive and being "insertive" is one of my favorite parts of the episode, but probably one of the best Spongebob moments is when due to Spongebob's blissful ignorance of how to be mean he helps a stranger find buried treasure and offers to tie his shoe even though he is wearing sandals.  

Is that stupid or Texas?

#4 Grandma's Kisses/ Squidville (Season 2) 18.4 Rating

By now my more observant readers should be noticing that most of my favorite episodes come from the earlier part of the show, and that is completely correct.  From season 2 Grandma's Kisses introduces Spongebob's Grandma, and after visiting her and forgetting to wipe off a kiss mark on his forehead, Spongebob feels the need to grow up and stop acting like a baby.  While Patrick tries to help, he sees the benefits of behaving like a child and takes Spongebob's preferential treatment from his Grandma.  I plan to show you how to be an adult after this paragraph.  Squidville is the famous episode where Squidward gets tired of being neighbors with Patrick and Spongebob and moves to Tentacle Acres, a gated community for Squids.  This episode becomes increasingly funny as it goes on, but I will never forget how great it is when Squidward finds "Canned Bread" at the grocery store and the can has a caption that claims it is "Best Thing Since Sliced!"

#3 SB-129/ Karate Choppers (Season 1) 18.5 Rating
We have made our way over to another one of my former housemate's favorite episodes, he was always quite animate about how he believed SB-129 to be his favorite episode.  The episode revolves around Squidward again as he tries to evade Spongebob and Patrick and finds himself on a quest through the past, future and nowhere, before finding himself back in the same spot he began.  I can never fail to laugh at the part where Squidward discovers that everything is chrome in the future.  I have mentioned Karate Choppers in a previous post where I pointed out that I believed it to be a euphemism for sex, but upon watching it again it is equally likely to be about sex as drugs, so watch it and make your own opinion about what Spongebob and Sandy are doing in secret.

Future!

#2 Chocolate With Nuts/ Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V (Season 3) 18.6 Rating

This episode could very well be the best ever, it really is nearly flawless.  Chocolate With Nuts is the story of Spongebob and Patrick trying to get rich quick by selling chocolates door to door and features some of my favorite Patrick moments along the way.  If you don't know the highlight of this episode you have never seen the episode.  The fifth Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy episode is my personal favorite use of the duo, where Barnacle Boy gets fed up with being treated like a child and decides to join with the Dirty Bubble and Man-Ray to create Every Villain is Lemons (E.V.I.L).  The episode goes on the spoof comic book groups such as the Justice League and Avengers, and brings along a little more adult humor than normal.  It is truly a great one.

#1 Prehibernation Week/ Life of Crime (Season 2) 18.9 Rating

I have an admission to make, I rigged the voting so that this one will win.  It was the only episode I knew would make the top 10 and I knew it was my favorite episode.  Specifically Prehibernation Week, in which Spongebob and Sandy partake in dangerous sporting activities before Sandy has to hibernate, but Spongebob can't deal with the games and hides.  This episode contains at least 3 of my favorite jokes the show has ever made, and prominently features Pantera as background music, it is a gem.  My housemates and I even made up a drinking game to this which didn't last long as it was too taxing.  Life of Crime is a solid episode as well, where Spongebob and Patrick steal a balloon, and when it pops, go on the lam.  It spoofs movies and TV shows about convicts as well as instills the morals in children that stealing is wrong. It also has this.   

Rig a voting?  Uhhh, I can explain.

Frivolities

- #4 and #1 were consecutive episodes in season 2.

- #3, #8 (Sleepy Time/ Suds), #11 (Valentines Day/ The Paper), #6 and #5 were all consecutive episodes in the first season.

- All ten of these episodes were made before the movie.

- Whale of a Birthday/ Karate Island was the best episode from season 4 and ranked #23

- The Krusty Sponge/ Sing a Song of Patrick was the best episode from season 5 and ranked #35

- The pilot episode (Help Wanted/ Reef Blower/ Tea at the Treedome) ranked at #17.

- Christmas Who? was the top ranked 22 minute story and was #28

- The top 5 stories were Prehibernation Week (10), Rock Bottom and Shanghaied (9.6), and Chocolate with Nuts and Survival of the Idiots (9.5).

- Despite Survival of the Idiots being in the top 5, it's pairing with Dumped has it outside the top half of episodes.

- The only other episode I thought would make the top 10 before rating stories was Wet Painters/ Krusty Krab Training Video, which ranked 14th.

I have been planning to write this post for a while now and it took me nearly 2 and a half hours to write, so I hope someone finds interest in this, cause I need to go to bed.  As always, stay tuned.