Sunday, September 12, 2010

Project Yancey: Episode 1: Doug Bags a Neematoad

Hello everybody and welcome to a series I would like to call "Project Yancey".  This series will involve me watching every episode of Nickelodeon's Doug (as if anybody really thought Disney's Doug was worth watching), and relating every episode to a story from my own personal experiences.  I hope I can give fresh stories for every installment, but if I can't hang with me theres about 100 or so plotlines.  I hope you enjoy it and without further ado, the inaugural installment of Project Yancey.

It's about to rise to 20,001.  Doug is that 1.
So the first episode is your standard run-of-the-mill indroduction to the important characters and settings of the series.  We start with Doug Funnie and his family moving to Bluffington, and start to see some of Doug's character pop out as he describes his feelings about the move (mostly his nervousness about the move with every positive look on it followed by a more negative response).  We learn Doug isn't exactly the most confident person on earth, but he manages to get by.  He daydreams a little, meets the Dinks, daydreams some more, and then finds himself at the Honker Burger.  He's such a noob in town he can't even order a burger correctly, which is where Mr. Mosquito "Skeeter" Valentine comes in to play to make his order and introduce Doug to some unnamed peripheral characters.  Once Doug's insecurities are subsided by Skeeters kind acts, he finds them return in full force as a slip on ketchup causes Roger Klotz to get pissed at him.  A normal bully would just kick Doug's ass on the spot, but Roger decides to humiliate Doug by making him wake up at 7am to catch the fictional neematoad of Stinson's Pond.  A little while after Doug starts embarassing himself, he realizes hes being tricked, and on his walk to the inevitable loserdom, his dog Porkchop does him a major solid by getting covered in mud and acting as he believes a neematoad would.  Doug captures the neematoad and becomes the hero of Bluffington's youth.  While all this was happening Doug was scoping out Patti Mayonaisse, and he really seemed to like what he was seeing.  And at the end Doug's streak of good luck continues as coincidence (again slipping on ketchup) causes him to meet Patti, and things seemed to go quite well for him.  The End.

Bag it! Bag it PLEASE!!!!
Now for my story.  I never actually moved but I did have a first week of college.  Maybe I wasn't as nervous as Doug was, but that was still a pretty intimidating change of lifestyle.  I found myself at school and managed to meet a few people, no outstanding "Skeeters" stood out immediately but I met enough people that I wasn't sitting around like a bump on a log all day.  I was also careful enough to not mess with any assholes like Roger either, but I did want to make a name for myself by bagging the proverbial neematoad.  But how does one bag a neematoad in the college culture, this could very well be a euphenism for hooking up or more drastically, date rape, but I elected to concentrate my efforts on neither.  My neematoads were beer, and to bag them I had to drink as many as I could.  I don't remember exactly how much I drank that first party, but I do remember two things, I made myself more interesting for a few hours (great success!), and I thought I met a perspective Patti Mayonaise.  In an act of drunken confidence (inherently unlike Doug Funnie) I went to her room and wrote on the whiteboard on her door "[name withheld] is cute" followed by my room number, along with a friend of mine who was interested in her roommate (small world).  She never came to my door or responded to that note, it was pretty lame.  She eventually fell under the group of unnamed peripheral characters Skeeter introduced Doug to at the Honker Burger.  Moral of the story: go bag some neematoads.

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