Project Yancey: Episode 28: Doug's Got No Gift

Being the classy guy Doug is, he knows that Patti has a birthday coming up and he saved up his money for a few weeks to buy her gift.  He found himself at the mall and still didn't know what he was going to get her, that is until he chanced by the sports store and saw the Official Multi-Ultra-Maxi-Pro Tournament Beetball!  And he had enough money for it!  But this is when Doug shows that he is a regular guy after all, Skeeter, the true buddy that he is, spots Doug from the arcade and he just had to make sure Doug tried this new game Bag the Neematoad.  Doug shows himself to be quite skilled at this game (well he does have real life experience), add in a few words by Skeeter and Doug was instantly hooked on playing the game until he was able to get his name on the high score list.  I would like to thank the writers for this reference coming up because no child would ever be able to pick up on it, but Doug goes into a daydream where he is getting out of a limo to go into a concert hall to play Bag the Neematoad, which would seem really weird until you notice the background music is slightly reminiscent of Pinball Wizard by The Who, and it turns out the daydream is a direct homage/spoof of the Pinball Wizard scene from The Who's rock opera Tommy.  With a vision like that and a crowd cheering him on, it is no surprise that next thing he knows Doug has no money to pay for Patti's gift anymore (but he did get DF at number 49 on the high score list.)  Dejected by his idiocy, Doug sits on the side of the street like a goon, and the Dink's hear his plight and invite him to Mr. Dink's workshop to build a gift for Patti.  Although Doug's original idea to build a glider seems to hit a snag when he doesn't have neither the material nor the expertise to build it, he ends up deciding that he would be able to find a suitable gift in making a towel rack.  After the long night of work, Doug shows Skeeter his towel rack, and I don't know which got him more confused, trying to figure out what it was when he saw it, or why Doug would give Patti a towel rack.  It's fine for skeeter because it seems everyone else at the party shared the sentiment, with Roger even referring to it directly as a "monstrosity".  Per the norm life decides to throw some salt on Doug's wounds before his moment of judgement comes, as Patti opens everyone else's gifts to find she had received some cool beetball (for the record Chaulky got her the Official Multi-Ultra-Maxi-Pro Tournament Beetball so one of the two would have looked stupid anyways getting her the same gift).  After a few beetballs have been opened and Doug decides he would rather look like the ass who didn't give a present than the kid who gave a bad present, Patti opens the present and to everyone's surprise thinks it is great as she doesn't see it as a towel rack, but as a beetball caddy!  Oddly, Roger was the only one who did see it as the towel rack it was.  As the party is starting to clear out Patti takes Doug aside for a heartfelt moment as she tells him that his gift was her favorite, by some strange irony she asks him to initial it, I bet that was better than 49th on the Bag the Neematoad high scores.  So as Borat would say "Great Success!"

Hes a Pinball Wizard Bag the Neematoad Master

I sure have quite an experience with playing too much video games, but I have never let it get that out of hand.  When you are as dedicated to something as Doug is to making Patti his girl, you do not let anything get in your way, and if I was in Doug's position I sure as hell wouldn't have spent all my money on a game (I have too many as it is.)  But I will admit that Doug buying Patti a gift for her birthday like that would have been really ambitious, and perhaps making the gift was even more ambitious, so I probably wouldn't have done what he did for even more reasons than the fact that I probably am selfish.  But to get away from any weaknesses in my persona, I would like to point out more good parts of myself for those readers that are so inclined to know.  I guess what I'm trying to say was that Doug came dangerously close to breaking one of the major laws of being a gentleman, but did manage to save himself by doing something much more gentlemanly.  I sure as hell will use this episode as an example to myself if I shall ever find myself in the position where I do not have enough money to be a proper gentleman for the lovely lady that is accompanying me at that time.  But I find that highly unlikely, as even in the life of a broke college student spending a large majority of the year with no income, I have never found myself in a time where I would not be able to pay on a date or anything of that sort.  There have been times where I know I wouldn't have made a frivolous purchase for myself, but I sure as hell had enough money to pay for two people's dinners.  I guess to put a cap on this incoherent rant of mine I will make a declaration of my own.  They say a gentleman pays on the first date, I say only a total scrub doesn't pay on any date (there's always the golden arches, just kidding.)    

The Oriental version of a date with me... Except not really

Extra thought, I'm overdue in using this video so I'm gonna do it now.  If you didn't understand any part of my rambling earlier, please do not hesitate to let out a nice big "REH!"  Allow Super Krang from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IV: Turtles in Time to demonstrate.