MLB 2011 Preview: AL East

I'm a bit behind since I'm only one the third division and Opening Day is tomorrow, but don't worry I'll be sure to finish my preview before we get too deep into the season.  How about we look at the AL East.

Baltimore Orioles
I may be in the minority on this one, but I feel like the Orioles are a pretty good team.  Especially considering how they ended last season, where they won more games in Buck Showalter's 57 games managing the team than  the other 105 games, which may be some sign to come.  Other than whats probably a great managerial hiring, the team itself has also improved, mostly on offense.  New additions are veteran first baseman Derrek Lee, shortstop J.J. Hardy, slugger Mark Reynolds at third base, and a likely future hall of famer in Vladimir Guerrero. Unfortunately they are catching Lee and Guerrero towards the end of the careers in which last year Derrek Lee saw major drops in almost every offensive category and Guerrero reversed a downward trend in his production, but it may have served as more of a swan song than a sign of things to come.  Hardy won't be anything stunning at shortstop, but I am interested in Mark Reynolds who even though he hit below the Mendoza line last year is playing in a division that would allow him to play in Fenway Park and Yankee Stadium, which are both pretty well tailored to righties who swing for the fence (ask Jose Bautista).  As for the returning starters, they have a pretty good young outfield in Luke Scott, Adam Jones and Nick Markakis, the last of which I feel is not too far from super-stardom given that he can raise his power output.  The return of Brian Roberts from injuries last year should also provide a good spark as he is an above-average leadoff hitter and should be able to get on base and swipe a few bags when he gets there.  Lastly we have the so-called "Joe Mauer with power", Matt Wieters, who  isn't backing up those comments quite well thus far, if he is going to have a breakout season its probably now or never.  As with most of the lower-tier teams, they don't have too bad of an offense, but their pitching staff is abysmal, the only one worth keeping an eye on is Brian Matusz, and that is only because the analysts say he is going to be good someday, but I don't see it yet.  I think I'm going to name the Orioles my total surprise team, but don't read to much into them.

This is how you intimidate a bad team into winning.

Boston Red Sox

The offseason sure has been kind to the AL East, the moves that the I just praised the Orioles for making were mere child's play in comparison to the blockbusters the Red Sox organization pulled off.  First was the trade for Adrian Gonzalez (do I hear MVP candidate?) who is already known as an elite hitter despite playing in Petco Park his whole career, if he and his shoulder come back well this season, there really isn't a reason he shouldn't be the best player in baseball.  But I am forgetting their other move in acquiring Carl Crawford to play left field (a waste of his speed and defense in my opinion), who I never thought would come to the Sox because he has a habit of leaving every three game series against them with another 10 stolen bases.  Crawford will lead the league in triples once again, and continue to be a nearly unstoppable force.  The team also is going to see the return of Dustin Pedroia and Kevin Youkilis (unfortunately not his beard though), who each missed large portions of last season and were the two best players on the team previous to the other guys coming in.  The other outfielders are Jacoby Ellsbury (stolen base fiend, but shitty fucking outfielder) and J.D. Drew, who plays baseball with the same enthusiasm of a 7 year-old eating broccoli and takes third strikes with the same enthusiasm as a 7 year-old eating chocolate cake.  Meanwhile David Ortiz will continue as the DH, and will likely continue trying to decide if he is washed up or not much like the last two years.  The last two starters are Marco Scutaro, who will hold the fort at shortstop, and Jarrod Saltalamacchia getting yet another chance to show he is capable of being an everyday major league catcher.   The pitching staff is also quite good, with the young talents of Jon Lester and Clay Buccholz (one of the two will be a strong Cy Young candidate), and the presence of John Lackey, Josh Beckett and Daisuke Matusaka is great in the case that any of them rediscovers the talent that brought them to Boston in the first place.  Probably the best bullpen in baseball by the way, even though I give it until May when they decide to get over their Papelboner, and get a total Bard-on.

I should try to seem less biased...

New York Yankees

It's the Yankees, and the caption to the picture above suggests that I should try to seem less biased.  So objectively speaking, the Yankees are a fantastic team just like they always are.  Brett Gardner is becoming one of the better basestealers in the game, although he does need to bring his average up a tad, Curtis Granderson annoys me because he sells himself as a leadoff hitter because of his speed, but he continues to get on base less than a third of the time, if he advertised himself differently he would be a real good player.  Nick Swisher on the other hand, he would be on the Shin-Soo Choo All-Stars of massively underrated talent (more on Choo when I talk about the AL Central), he gets on base, he hits for power and does what he needs to do on a baseball field, any other uniform on his back and I would like him.  Alex Rodriguez is still one of the best five hitters in baseball, and despite the steroid talk is one of the all-time greats (he was a hall of famer before he took steroids anyways, just as a different type of player).  Derek Jeter showed last year that he is human and that he is getting old, but I wouldn't expect that to stop him from doing anything to win a game.  Next comes Robinson Cano, who had a monster season in 2010 and in my mind is deadlocked with Chase Utley for the best second baseman in the league distinction.  As for Mark Teixeira, he is not as good as Adrian Gonzalez, and that all I'm gonna say.  Russel Martin and Jorge Posada switching off between catching and being the designated hitter was a pretty good move, especially seeing that it was basically the team's only move.  But the offense possibly will not be enough to win another World Championship for New York because the pitching staff doesn't go much deeper than C.C. Sabathia and Phil Hughes, and it takes more than two pitchers to win in 2011's MLB.  Lastly, we need to find out what Mariano Rivera has been doing the last three years and make a DVD of it to sell to the American public as a cure for aging.  

Will you get washed up already!?

Tampa Bay Rays

May I now show you exhibit A of why small-market teams can never become larger.  I sure hope the Rays had fun in their three year span as a legitimate contender, because sadly those days are likely gone for a little bit.  The losses of Carl Crawford and Carlos Pena may have been a kiss of death, especially considering they have been replaced with the risk of hoping Manny Ramirez or Johnny Damon will be able to hold off the effects of aging for a year so they can hopefully persuade younger players to come and take their places next year (I sure hope Manny does, I've always liked him).  The rest of their AL East champion team has returned though, especially Evan Longoria who is both the best third baseman in the league and the only player in the league who seems to be preparing himself to become an action hero after baseball (thought I was going to make an Eva Longoria joke didn't you?).  B.J. Upton has shown us before that he is capable of putting up big numbers, but has also shown us that we should keep his expectations at 40 stolen bases and let anything else be a pleasant surprise.  Most of the rest of the team including Dan Johnson, Ben Zobrist, Sean Rodriguez, and Reid Brignac shouldn't come with expectations much more than a .250 batting average, unless Zobrist's fluke season was 2010 and not 2009.  I also need to say that I like John Jaso, maybe I just have a soft spot for catchers who hit leadoff though.  Their pitching staff is no too bad, but it's nothing shocking once you get past David Price, who is one of the best pitchers in the league and the man who would have received my Cy Young vote last year if I had one.  The losses of Rafael Soriano and Grant Balfour really make a large dent in the bullpen too.

I'm still shocked Tony Parker cheated on her...

Toronto Blue Jays

Poor Blue Jays, they probably would have made the playoffs a couple times in the last five years if they were just in a better spot geographically.  This year makes it clear that the stress of keeping up with two of the highest payrolls in baseball, and they seem to have reached critical mass.  The team's star player is Jose Bautista and that is only because he likely realized last year that he will never hit .300 so he might as well go out there and try to crush every ball he sees and it worked (also using this technique is Mark Reynolds.)  Bautista is joined in the outfield by Travis Snider, who has yet to show much in the bigs, and Rajai Davis who will steal a few bases before being knocked in by a Jose Bautista homer.  A majority of their infield, Aaron Hill, Adam Lind and Yunel Escobar are players with some serious potential who seriously sputtered out of the gate in the 2010 season and never managed to catch up.  Since all of them are still young, I'll expect at least two of them to return to form this year.  The remaining infielder, Edwin Encarnacion is much like Travis Snider in that he is a below-average starter.  Their rookie catcher, J.P Arencibia has never hit above .190 in three spring training seasons and 16 games last season, which probably means Jose Molina (also known as the third best Molina brother in the MLB) will get his fair share of starts.  The remaining hitter in the lineup is Juan Rivera who has seemed to alternate between good and bad seasons throughout his career, so if trends mean anything he is due for a bounce-back season in 2011, I just don't know what a bounce-back season means.

Ever since the loss of Roy Halladay, the pitching staff hasn't been quite the same, especially with the loss of Shaun Marcum and Brandon Morrow.  I would like to predict that Kyle Drabek (the jewel return in the Halladay trade) will be the Rookie of the Year, but I'm not sure if I believe it so I'll wait on that decision.

How much do you want to bet that ball is going to left field?

AL East Final Standings

1. Boston Red Sox

2. New York Yankees

3. Baltimore Orioles

4. Tampa Bay Rays

5. Torono Blue Jays

What can I say?  I believe in Buck.  I also want to point out if any division can ever have every team finish above .500 it would probably be this division this year.  Thanks for reading, come again soon and I should hopefully have the NL East for you.  Enjoy opening day!

MLB 2011 Preview: NL Central

I'm continuing  my preview of this upcoming baseball season by moving from the smallest division in the league to the largest.


Chicago Cubs
The Cubs as of late have been a completely baffling squad, it is no secret that they have an extremely large payroll, but it really doesn't seem they have many players that would warrant large paychecks. Looking at their lineup there are three people who instantly pop out at you, and that is the left side of the field.  Alfonso Soriano comes to mind quickly because he seems like the main offender of the Cubs overspending as he is definitely not having the impact that he is capable of.  But on the topic of Soriano let me point out this one thing, his numbers would be stellar if he was still a second baseman and since Jeff Baker is Jeff Baker, it might not be a terrible idea to bring him back to his rightful place and maybe give Tyler Colvin or Reed Johnson a shot at starting.  The other players on the left side are Aramis Ramirez, who is likely the most underrated third baseman in the league when he is healthy, and the up-and-coming shortstop sensation Starlin Castro.  We can come to expect solid contributions from Marlon Byrd and serviceable numbers from Kosuke Fukudome.  That leaves us with Carlos Pena hopefully having a comeback year, and whether or not Geovany Soto proves himself to be a consistent player after pulling himself out of a sophomore slump last year.  As for their pitching staff, a perfect descriptor to use would be erratic, mainly because of Carlos Zambrano's presence.  I am a big fan of Big Z, but whenever I see him pitch I know its either going to be a shutout or a blowout, he doesn't have an okay game ever.  Matt Garza also strikes me as another erratic pitcher, he seems to get a lot of decisions, with not all of them being good.  If we also pack in Randy Wells, I think you get my point.  Lastly I would like to commend the Cubs for bringing Kerry Wood back for old times sake, but I still don't expect to see any games in Wrigley this October.

Anybody think this is a bad idea?

Cincinnati Reds

Ah, the Reds were my sleeper team to make the playoffs last year (I announced that in February 2010, no lies), and we all know how that turned out.  One playoff game without a hit, one MVP trophy, and one early exit thanks to the Phillies later we see these guys return but what do they have in store for us?  The short answer is probably not another playoff run, I'm sorry.  Joey Votto is very good, and I expect him to continue to be very good, just not as good as he was last year.  Brandon Philips will probably follow the same path he went last year, shedding a few of his power numbers to be a better run scorer now that he has a set of guys to knock him in.  I like their outfield because Johnny Gomes, Drew Stubbs and Jay Bruce all have extremely similar talent levels, and should likely all put up similar numbers except Bruce will have an extra edge in the rate stats, Stubbs will steal some bases, and Johnny Gomes will do none of the above.  The rest of the offense is Paul Janish along with the Ramon Hernandez/ Ryan Hanigan duo putting up sub-par numbers and Scott Rolen failing to continue his amazing career revival.  The pitching staff is comprised of ace Bronson Arroyo (fun fact!  I believe Arroyo has the 4th most wins in the MLB since his trade to the Reds in 2006), Edinson Volquez trying to prove to Cincinnati that they didn't completely get the shaft by trading Josh Hamilton, and a trio of sophomore pitchers with varying potential.  They do have one of the few bullpens that excites me, not because of any combination or talent, but just because Aroldis Chapman can throw 104 mph fastballs.

That's what I want to see from relief pitchers

Houston Astros

When of your starting nine I have to look at the specific pages for four of your guys just to figure out what their  first name is, that's when your team may either be in complete trouble or not in a big market.  Considering Houston itself is the 4th most populated city and 6th most populated metro area in the US, I think we might have to go with the first option.  By the way the four players mentioned earlier are Humberto Quintero, Brett Wallace, Angel Sanchez, and Chris Johnson, with Johnson being the only one whom I took any interest in since he hit .308 last year.  Bill Hall is one name that I did know, which doesn't necessarily mean that he will do much more in the season than hit another home run on Mothers' Day with a pink bat.  In an attempt to not completely tear apart the entire team I will say that I love the balance of the outfield.  Mixing Carlos Lee's power with Michael Bourne's speed and Hunter Pence's uncanny ability to hit .282 with 25 home runs in consecutive years could turn out to be a small glimmer of hope in a beautiful stadium inhabited by a mediocre team.  As for their pitching staff, I can't say much more than it doesn't look to good, and that I desperately want J.A. Happ to outperform Roy Oswalt this season (not gonna happen, but a guy can dream.)

Chris Johnson... Not that one! NO not that one either! There he is!

Milwaukee Brewers

Amazingly it turns out that your team gets better after the family of the league's commissioner sells the franchise, and you might have thought that sports were fixed.  After spending most of my life in mediocrity, the Brewers have been steadily improving in the past years, and it looks like this year they have pieced together a squad that I would not hesitate to call a baseball team.  Lead by slugger Prince Fielder and overall great player Ryan Braun, this team starts out boasting an incredible three-four punch in the middle of their lineup.  Add to that the emergence of Casey McGehee and Corey Hart last year and the steady improvement of Rickie Weeks, this team has a hell of a lot of pop in the bats.  Unfortunately they won't be getting the much needed stolen base threat and overall run scorer out of Yuniesky Betancourt, Carlos Gomez or Jonathan Lucroy, so this Brewers team is going to have to win games the Earl Weaver way, with pitching, defense, and the three-run homer.  I think the last part should be no problem, and the defense doesn't strike me as anything that will lose them many games this season, so lets look at their pitching.  I think that the management thought the same way that I did, and kept together the offense from last years 77-85 team, and decided to bolster up on starting pitching for the coming year, and I sure think they did a fantastic job.  The most relevant move is to relegate last year's ace Yovani Gallardo to the second spot with the acquisition of former Cy Young winner Zach Greinke, and also bringing in Shaun Marcum to hopefully continue his success with the Blue Jays last year.  With these three and the possibility of some solid outings from Randy Wolf and Chris Narveson, I expect this Brewers team to improve their record a lot from last year.  

Pittsburgh Pirates
Could I have chosen a better segue from the Brewers to the Pirates than that video?  But anyways, anybody who has watched baseball over the last decade knows the only reason to pay attention to the Pirates is to see who your favorite team may be getting when the trade deadline comes around, which is a pity because they have possibly put together a team that could have some potential. Starting with Andrew McCutchen they have at least one elite player on the team, which is more than could be said about a couple of teams in the league. Much like the Reds pitching staff, the Pirates also have a trio of sophomores in Pedro Alvarez, Jose Tabata and Neil Walker, but the difference is that all of them have what seems to be a good amount of potential.  If they decide that McCutchen could serve better as a second hitter (which I think could be a good idea with his power potential) Jose Tabata could be put into the leadoff spot and do pretty well, while Pedro Alvarez could show himself to be a hitter with true power from the hot corner, and Walker possibly showing himself as a do-it-all second baseman.  Unfortunately they also have Lyle Overbay, Chris Snyder and Ronny Cedeno starting which may offset any good the young players do, but lets try to look at the positives.  Expecting Garrett Jones will continue to do this thing and slug a few homers, we can see if the pitching can do anything to help the cause.  All signs point to no for that considering the starter with the best ERA last year was Ross Ohlendorf with an ERA of 4.07, which isn't horrible until you consider his 1-11 record.  This team is a lost cause that may threaten to barely climb out of the cellar if everything goes right.

The only guaranteed bright spot out there

St. Louis Cardinals

Albert Pujols and Matt Holliday.  I really think that is all I need to say about the Cardinals offense, except maybe a mention about the possible emergence of Colby Rasmus as a star.  As is usual, the NL Central is the Cardinals division to lose.  They have the three players previously mentioned, got Lance Berkman to add a little extra pop to the lineup, and also found Ryan Theriot to be an offensive improvement compared to Brendan Ryan last year.  Skip Schumaker comes back for another year as second baseman after a rough 2010 season, but he might be able to prove himself again by returning to his old form and hitting .300 again this year.  I am also very curious to see what this season will bring for David Freese who spent last season bouncing back and forth between the pros and AAA.  And they also still have Yadier Molina, who even though he is primarily known as the best defensive catcher in the league, is also deceptively good at the plate and is only 2 years removed from a season in which he saw himself hit over .300.  I thought a little while ago that the Cardinals were easily going to run away with the division this year like they are expected to, but then it was announced that Adam Wainwright was going to miss the season (he was going to be my Cy Young preditction), and threw my opinions off a bit.  They still have Chris Carpenter, but the drop from Wainwright to Jaime Garcia as your second pitcher is pretty devastating even though I have very high expectations for Garcia this year.  But we shall see how this season pans out.

Expect to see this a lot.

NL West Final Standings

1. St. Louis Cardinals

2. Milwaukee Brewers

3. Cincinnati Reds

4. Chicago Cubs

5. Houston Astros

6. Pittsburgh Pirates

I guess there wasn't any surprises this time (even though I did consider having the Brewers win it, but it didn't feel right).  Tune in eventually when I will have the AL East for you.

MLB 2011 Preview: AL West

Hey everyone its almost time for baseball season again!  I'm gonna start this season off right by giving a preview of each division with some things that intrigue me about the league this year.   Since I don't want to seem biased I rolled a dice to choose the first division for me, and it told me the AL West was a good place to start.  So lets go!

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
As much as it pains me to say this since I love the work Mike Scioscia has done with them over the last decade, but the Angels are no longer the powerhouse of the west.  Lets start with their offense, which is not looking very good as of now.  I like Howie Kendrick and Kendrys Morales is probably one of the more overlooked first basemen in the league, but that is the furthest extent of completely good things I can say.  Their next three best hitters are Vernon Wells, Torii Hunter and Bobby Abreu, who all have one thing in common, they are all over the hill and hitting their career declines.  Maicer Izturis and Erick Aybar, while both being greatly athletic on the field are not the best hitters I have ever seen, and Jeff Mathis is a career back-up who is under the Mendoza line for his career.  But there is one interesting wrinkle to this offense, and that is Peter Bourjos.  Who is Peter Bourjos you ask?  He is the man that Torii Hunter moved to right field to let play center, which even though I have never seen the young man play, should mean that Bourjos is nothing less than the next Jim Edmonds.  And he also hit .373 and slugged .588 during spring training so he may have some bat.  Since they look like they might not have the best offense, lets hope they can stop runs, and it sure looks like they can.  Boasting a top 2 pitchers of Jered Weaver and Dan Haren, they can look a little scary, and that's neglecting to mention that their other three pitchers are Ervin Santana, Joel Pinero and Scott Kazmir.  We know this team will strike quite a few people out as Weaver and Haren will probably both be in the top 5 in that category, but they won't be able to win if they don't get run support, so thats what I'm going to call the dependent factor for this team.  Either that or Kazmir getting his head out of his ass and showing us why it seemed like he had so much potential with the Rays.

The next Jim Edmonds?

Oakland Athletics

Oh my, I have to follow up the Angels with this, it must be terrible offense day.  The Athletics might have a worse offense than the Angels but there is one major difference between the two, where the Angels have the waning of good careers, the Athletics have a few up and comers.  This is a very good thing for them, because if a few guys pan out right they might be able to score some runs (or at least enough).  The offseason was very good to them too, they pulled off one of my favorite trades in acquiring David DeJesus, who is a pretty good player but nobody knows who he is because he played in Kansas City (yes, they still have a team).  The rest of their outfield serves good purpose as well, Coco Crisp is always a good stolen base threat, and Josh Willingham has been known to bop a few homers in the middle of an order.  I see potential in Daric Barton and Cliff Pennington, but not enough for them to become household names, Kevin Kouzmanoff will belt a few homers and get on base a few times, and Mark Ellis will hover around decent.  All that leaves us with is Hideki Matsui who will probably see a decline in his already declining stat line, but will serve well enough as an extra guy with some pop, and Kurt Suzuki whom I have always considered one of the more consistent and trustworthy catchers in the league.  So far you would expect I hate this years Athletics team, but you would be very wrong because their starting rotation is erection-worthy.  Of their four returning starters from last year, the one with the worst ERA is Dallas Braden, and his was 3.50.  Along with fellow lefties Gio Gonzalez and Brett Anderson, the latter of which is one of my dark horse Cy Young candidates, and ace Trevor Cahill, they have four very young and very talented starters who have the potential to do much better than each of their surprising 2010 seasons.  I expect the fifth pitcher will either be Brandon McCarthy or Rich Harden, who are both quite good at the end of your rotation.  I also need to point out that Grant Balfour, Brian Fuentes and Andrew Bailey in the bullpen isn't too shabby either.  This team will be more of a surprise than their surprising 81-81 finish last year.  They are my sleeper team.

Don't you go getting hurt again Brett!

Seattle Mariners

Yikes.  The Mariners just make me sad, last year I expected them to perform very well, and they turned out to be one of the worst teams in the league.  MLB.com's depth chart for them has told me that Franklin Gutierrez has lost his starting job in center field to Michael Saunders, and I truly don't know what to make of it because I thought Gutierrez was one of their best players last year and I don't know anything about Saunders.  Milton Bradley is still starting in left, and the only thing I can predict about him with any faith is that at some point this year you will see him on Sportscenter and it will not be for his baseball-related actions on the field.  I'm happy to say they have a really good double play combination with Brendan Ryan and Jack Wilson, but unfortunately they will not be on base nearly enough as a duo to make the amazing fielding worth it.  I personally think Jack Cust is probably amongst the worst Designated Hitters in the league.  But maybe I'm being a little too critical, they do have a few things on the upside, I am willing to give Chone Figgins a mulligan on his abysmal season last year, Miguel Olivo is finally getting his long-deserved chance to be an everyday starter, and Justin Smoak was the centerpiece in the Cliff Lee trade, and is expected to have tremendous potential at first.  And lastly I must not forget Ichiro Suzuki, one of my favorite players in the entire league.  He will once again get 200 hits, hit around .340, and continue to be one of the best hitters I think I have ever seen in my life.  Beyond Felix Hernandez I really see nothing worth talking about in their starting rotation and that is a true shame.  Unfortunately the Mariners may be celebrating the 10th anniversary of their amazing 116 win season in 2001 with a season that will be quite the opposite.

A true legend of baseball, he deserves a better team around him.

Texas Rangers
Thank you Texas Rangers, I thought I would never be able to compliment an offense.  There is one true thing about the Rangers, and it is that they will score many runs.  After losing in the World Series, they have been able to bring much of their offense back, and may or may not have slightly improved on it.  Josh Hamilton has quite a good chance to repeat as AL MVP, and along with Nelson Cruz (one of the best right fielders in the game) and Julio Borbon, they have a good case for having the best outfield in the MLB.  Ian Kinsler will be one of the better second basemen offensively, Mitch Moreland will likely improve upon his numbers from last year, Elvis Andrus will continue to be a basestealer and a human vaccuum cleaner at shortstop, and Mike Napoli will definitely serve as an offensive improvement over Benjie Molina (though they may miss his veteran presence with a young pitching staff).  But this leaves me with one of what I think to be the biggest travesties of the year in baseball, that being the signing of Adrian Beltre.  Don't get me wrong, Beltre had a great year and is a good third baseman, but I would rather have Michael Young there everyday, rather than have him DH and serve as a utility man.  This is the third time they have moved Michael Young because they have obtained a "better" player, in the cases of Kinsler and Andrus it may have been justified because they at least left him with a steady place, but kicking your franchise's all time hits leader and a career .300 hitter out of an everyday spot just isn't proper.  Especially since Adrian Beltre isn't nearly as dependable or consistent as Michael Young has been.  But anyways, lets look at their pitching now, it doesn't seem to be anything special or anything too bad. I like C.J. Wilson a lot, but he isn't quite ready to be the ace of a rotation, but since none of the other guys they have are better than him they will have to work with what they got, and try to not let up an obscene amount of runs a game.  Losing Cliff Lee is seeming to be a big loss for this team, but there is still faith for them yet, if and when Brandon Webb returns he will be the X-factor of this team.  Two years and quite a few surgeries away from a three year span where he was either the Cy Young winner or runner-up, this man is very talented and if he returns to form may have Rangers fan forgetting who that Lee guy was.

I sure hope the antlers and claw come back...

AL WEST FINAL STANDINGS

1. Athletics

2. Rangers

3. Angels

4. Mariners

Yes I said the Athletics will win the AL West, I'm full of surprises.  Come on back soon to see if there are any surprises in store as the dice tells me the next division I look at will be the NL Central.

Being in a Hole

My Support System

Lassie!  Lassie!  Chase has fallen into a hole and he can't get out!  You need to help him Lassie!  Yes indeed my fair-weather fans and readers, I have found that I have dug myself into a hole and I guess it isn't the best position to be in.  I figure I'm likely not alone in this, but do any of you guys know what it's like to have what you think to be a negative thing about you that just won't go away?  This became something of a regular thought in my head, and the hell of it is, after long enough you start identifying with it.  The one nagging thing about you that wouldn't take much longer than a day to fix, but you just don't fix it at all because you don't know what its like anymore without it.  That is what kind of hole I happen to be in at the moment, the top is visible, hell I could more or less jump out of it, but I choose not to.  I choose instead to sit in this hole because I'm the man in the hole.  You find the hole, you look in it, you see a man in it, and you know its me!  And I guess thats why I stay here, because if I'm not in the hole anymore, I'm not the man in the hole anymore.  But why would I want to be the man in the hole?  Its really a shitty place to live.  This is just plain old stupid.  I'm gonna climb out of the hole now.  I suggest all you other hole-dwellers take my lead.  I will lead you to freedom!

Climbing out!

Project Yancey: Doug and Patti Sittin' in a Tree

Breaking News!  I'm breaking my rules, my life does not seem exciting enough to warrant me to be able to use every Doug episode (and some episodes are kind of boring), so instead of going in line I will just find episodes I feel like doing, and will do them in this order.  So I'm going to start on a high note, with the episode where Doug and Patti may have gone on a date.  Enjoy.

You know it!

The episode starts with Doug eating his lunch alone, and Patti sitting next to him and asking him if he would like to go see a movie with her this Friday.  As it takes a while to get the point across to Doug that the movie will just be with the two of them, everybody around them seems to notice and watch the pivotal moment at hand.  And all these people call attention to Doug that it just may be a date no later than Patti takes her leave, and since we know Doug quite well, he doesn't like the attention.  Curious about the fact Patti never specifically said it was a date (even though it obviously was) Doug turns to his good buddies Chaulky and Skeeter for what signs to look for to see if it is a date.  The criteria they come by are the following, does she dress up to meet him, does she let him buy her ticket, and if all else fails, does she let him hold her hand (cue the Beatles)?  After learning how to tell if it is a date, Doug's next issue is what is he to do on this date?  Since Doug has an awesome taste in movies, all of the dates in the movies he owns either end in kung fu, or are completely unrealistic.  This is when Doug decides he was going to get his ideas from asking about and then stalking Judy on her date that night.  By doing this Doug learns a couple things every man should know, you should speak with a goofy accent, use big words, and and lastly you need to steal your kisses (optional).  Now is the time to put this new knowledge to work, and by that the obvious conclusion is that he invited Skeeter over to help him simulate the date using a dating book and Porkchop as Patti.  He shouldn't have chosen to do this at his house though, because its not long before his entire family finds out about it and makes a huge deal about it.  Eventually, Doug goes on his (potential) date, and his walk is met with a lot of his acquaintances lining the streets with comments to him.  No more than 10 seconds after seeing Patti, he already starts to get conflicting signals about the date, first he sees Patti dressed up, good sign, but then she ignores the fact he bought two tickets and buys her own.  So it all comes down to the hand holding.  Unfortunately only paying half-attention to the masterpiece on screen in which a crocodile is in love with a rich lady, Doug fails to find a chance to try to hold Patti's hand.  So now the night is nearly over and Doug starts walking Patti home and they discuss the movie.  During this Doug accidentally(?) grabs her hand and they both clearly like it but continue to walk back to her house in awkward silence.  Doug decides to find out once and for all, and asks Patti if it was a "whatever" and she really doesn't know if it was a "you know", but it clearly was.  And then they start slowly moving towards each other and it looks like they are gonna kiss!  But then Patti goes inside and keeps Doug wondering, but with a good feeling that it was a date.  A little down the road Doug gets confronted by all the boys from his school, it seems they are going to make fun of him, but they instead ask for a few pointers.  They want girls, and Doug's got girls, kids money.

Word spreads fast I see!

First allow me to link to this video if you did not grasp how awkward Doug's walk back to Patti's house was.  If this episode has a moral, and that I'm getting it right, it must be that the dating game sucks and is vague and you just need to suck it up and get used to it.  Right?  I've never been a fan of the whole dating scene in high school and college, I don't think I've ever got the hang of it completely, and likely never will.  I've tried to do everything under the sun, I've been the nice guy, I've been the crazy guy, I've been the shy guy, I've been the straight forward guy, I've been the former-friend-turned-romantic-interest, I've been Mr. Right Now, but I've never been anything of any note.  This may be that I haven't particularly played any of these roles very well, because I haven't been dealing with the right girls, or maybe it is just because I am not a lucky person.  But you know what, to hell with it.  One day my bad luck will run out and by some miracle, I will find some girl who is just as strange and messed up as I am, or maybe she won't be anything like that and she will be incredibly well adjusted (unlike me) and it will somehow work out, or maybe she will just be a regular person like the rest of us and everything will be moderately exciting but go well.  See, this is where I probably go wrong, I don't know or care what I want, I just want it.  I also want to waste your time by having all you readers out there read this.  So I am going to go watch some British teen dramas or something ridiculous of that sort to see if I can have an epiphany (I wont), meanwhile you guys can realize you would have saved a lot of time if I just linked to this video at the beginning.  End unnecessary rant, cue REH!